My first birth experience was anything but forgettable. Not only did she arrive 12 days late. But labor was also incredibly painful. I chose to get an unplanned epidural. And she ended up being born via c-section after 24 hours.
The Day Before My Birth Experience
To give you a bit of backstory, the day before I went into labor, we had yet another non stress test done. During this test, our little girl hardly moved or changed heart rate, despite me eating snacks and consuming juice during the exam. This concerned the midwives so we went in for an ultrasound to see how her amniotic fluid was doing. As you might imagine, it didn’t show great results, so we scheduled an induction for the next morning. This was something I was trying to avoid due to planning for a natural, unmedicated delivery.
My husband and I chose to go out to dinner that night for one last celebration and mood lifter before the scheduled induction. When we got home, we finished packing our hospital bags and went to bed. But around midnight, I woke up with excruciating cramps. They weren’t contractions but they were undeniably painful. After about 45 minutes, I gave the nurse line a call, and by the time they called back, my water broke.
Our midwives had asked us to come in if my water broke because I was GBS positive, and, in this case, my amniotic fluid also contained meconium. So, around 1am, we headed to the hospital.
Her Birthday
I labored 5 hours without pain medication, but during that time, contractions made my legs feel like they were literally on fire. Additionally, we needed to change positions a few times because our little girl’s heart rate dropped. By the time the sun started rising, I couldn’t do it anymore, and the anesthesiologist administered the epidural.
By early afternoon, I was fully dilated but our little girl had not come down far enough for me to push. By dinner time, I started pushing. But after pushing for 4 hours, it was clear we weren’t making progress. I was wheeled back for an emergency cesarean. The huge downside of this, though, was that my epidural wasn’t blocking the pain properly. So the anesthesiologist put me under for the procedure.
Our little girl didn’t cry when she was born. And her oxygen levels were very low. My husband immediately met her in the NICU while I woke up from the surgery. But since the hospital beds did not fit in the NICU doors (an infuriating detail), I was not able to meet her until 6 am the following morning.
A life changing birth experience
It took me over a year to mentally recover from my birth experience with my daughter. People told me that I should be grateful I was alive and that she made it out alive, but I was deeply mourning the birth I had dreamed of and the trauma I had endured. Her birth was a huge catalyst for change in my life.
Here are the lessons that her birth taught me!
1. Pain during labor and birth experience is real and fear makes it more intense.
I had taken a childbirth class during which I learned the stages of labor, the pain that comes with it, and the effects of pain medication on the baby. For that reason, I felt prepared, and knowledge-wise, I was. But mentally and emotionally, I was terrified. And I learned that in order to reduce pain and mentally manage it, it is absolutely crucial for me to acknowledge and process the fears I have surrounding labor and birth.
2. God is faithful, even when things do not turn out according to our plan.
It is very possible that I could’ve died the day I became a mom. My daughter was, essentially, stuck in my pelvis (even though it was more of a poor positioning situation). She could’ve died due to low oxygen and swallowing meconium. But she and I are both healthy and thriving today because God is faithful. He protected us, even in the midst of heartbreak and danger.
3. It is crucial to have a good provider when you give birth.
I learned that it is crucial for me to have a provider and support system who support my goals and dreams for birth. While I did see a midwife that I liked, she didn’t help support me at all during labor. She merely came to check my dilation and ask me how I was doing. If I hadn’t had a negative experience with our first midwife during labor, I wouldn’t have known what to look for in my next provider when I had my VBAC nearly two years later. But because the experience was lacking, I was able to asked pointed questions and advocate for myself the second time around.
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