What do you want to be when you grow up? It’s a question that we have all been asked. It’s a question that my elementary school even curated into a dress up day. Some kids want to be firefighters, others say artists. Some can’t wait to become doctors or engineers or teachers. But why doesn’t anyone ever say “I want to be a mom”? Today, I want to unpack this question.
How did I answer the question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
If you had asked me 10 years ago what I planned to do with my life, I would’ve proudly and clearly told you that I wanted to go to college and become a music therapist.
During my childhood, I attended schools in a great school district. I was surrounded by highly qualified teachers, AP classes, nice libraries, tutors, and many extracurriculars from which to choose. On the surface, it looked like I was thriving in this environment. And you wouldn’t be wrong if that was your assumption.
I achieved As and Bs in all of my classes, including hard Advanced Placement classes and accelerated math courses. I played in the top ensembles and sang in the top choirs. And while this bragging resume may give you the illusion of success, below the surface, I was being taught an innate identity that my worth was found in my academic success and the college I attended after high school graduation. By the time I entered my senior year, I believed I would only be worth something if my effort resulted in college acceptance letters.
You want to go to college when you grow up, right?
While I never anticipated becoming a mom at 21, I also never anticipated the discouraging statements I would receive from those around me after I got engaged. When I married between my sophomore and junior years of college, people were shocked.
“But you’re going to finish college, right?”
“Why didn’t you wait until you graduated?”
“You’re too young to be getting married.”
“Are you sure you really want to do this?”
As you can imagine, comments like that made me feel like a bit of an outsider. Questions like that made me doubt myself and my own decision making abilities.
My societal worth drastically changed.
My societal worth tanked because I chose to marry young. But if it truly tanked when I married, I put the nail in my societal coffin when I got pregnant 6 months later. While many people were excited for us, announcing our pregnancy seemed to usher me into what felt like the death of my potential. People assumed I wouldn’t finish my degree (but I did). People assumed it must have been an accidental pregnancy (surprise, it was planned). In order to enroll in a college course during my pregnancy, I had to utilize disability services because my professor thought my enrollment would be a waste of time.
Why did my worth as a human being drop so significantly because I was 1) married and 2) having children?
When I grow up, I want to be a mom.
Our society has become so focused on college, careers, and success that it has lost sight of the importance of family. Looking back now, I see the desire that has always been in my heart to be a mother and wife. Attending college and pursuing a career were things I felt I needed to do, and while I also wanted those things, I knew that the minute I became a mom I didn’t want to be anywhere else than at home with my family. Now that I am living that reality and raising three beautiful babies, it saddens my heart that I have felt less than.
Less than because I don’t have a job, because I’m not a breadwinner, because I have chosen to stay home with my kids, because I chose this life so young.
During my childhood, I saw incredible relationships form around me. My parents have a strong marriage. My brothers married their wives before I entered high school. I became an aunt by the time I was 14. My high school years were filled with holding, changing, and bottle feeding nephews and nieces. So by the time I met my husband, I didn’t need to think twice about what I wanted. I wanted to be his wife and raise children with him. And that confidence and perspective is a gift for which I am thankful everyday.
Let me encourage you today.
Friend, maybe you are a working mom. Maybe you are single and LOVE your job. I applaud you and am cheering you on! May your days be filled with purpose and joy as you pursue your calling.
But to the mama who is in the thick of it like me. Spending days wiping booties, cleaning toys, playing on the floor, making meals, folding the millionth pile of laundry this week. You are valuable. You’re the cornerstone of your home. You are the foundation of society. Your presence in your children’s lives is transforming them for the better. Your love and nurture is helping form them into the people they are meant to be. While it may not feel like you have value, know this: you are exactly where you are supposed to be.
May the little women I am raising never be afraid to answer: “I want to be a mommy when I grow up”.
Leave a Reply